Where this is going?

Hey everyone that probably doesn't read my blog lol.  I know that it's been a while since I posted on here but a lot has been going on.  I'm actually kind of lost right now.  I know what I want to do and where I want to go but getting there has been a really big challenge.  I'm not going to give up though.  I'm just going to keep doing me and be the best that I can.  

I'm always trying to please other people, and I can't really do that if I myself am not happy.  My depression and anxiety has taken over and its scaring me.  I start school next week and all I can do is hope and pray that I survive the summer.  I haven't been in school for ever.  I have been taking online courses because I didn't want to deal and wasn't sure if I can cope with all the commotion that goes on.  So many people on campus and then there's me.  

I have been filming like crazy though.  I just haven't edited them or put them up yet.  Not sure if I want too.  I love to film but at the same time, I'm an emotional wreck and the smallest thing upsets me and don't feel like reading the comments.  I'm worried bout what I might read.  

I decided not to wear the hijab anymore.  I'm not in the right place to be wearing it. I mean this is Oklahoma.  I'm planning on moving closer to my family. I'm shooting for California. My family lives in Oregon and Washington. California is still close enough to hop on a quick flight if needed and get there in a few hours but yet it's far away to where I have my privacy and some distance.  I have been trying to go out and see my grandparents and I didn't try hard enough.  My grandfather passed away last Saturday.  I was devastated.  I have always been really close to my grandparents.  I really wanted to see him before his time came to go home.  I didn't get to say hello, goodbye or most importantly, I love you.

As far as my blog is concerned. I have to be inspired to write.  Maybe I'll just post pics that I take.  Who knows.  This blog is a hot mess right now.  I have lots of ideas and don't know where to start.  

Well that's it for now.  I hope you understand where I'm coming from.  For those that read this, thank you for your love, support and understand.

My Shahada

Dove Real Beauty Sketches

I was getting ready to watch a YouTube video and this was on the advertisements. I had the option to either watch it or skip after a few seconds. I decided to watch it.

 It touched me so much. I could only imagine how I would of done, if I was given the opportunity.

I'm sitting here watching and not realizing what is going on and then I seen it.  How we see our selves is not how others see us.   Ladies and gents, don't be hard on yourself.    Everyone is beautiful.

 

Blog Shoutout

If nothing else I really love to read blogs.  I may not always comment on them, but I definitely do read them. I read them at home on computer, my iPad and my phone.

Well here are just a few of the many that I read in no particular order.  If you are not already reading them, then you should check them out.

 

A Modern Mrs

C.Michelle Styles

Dulce Candy

 

Quaint of Heart

 

Food and the City

Sassi Wench

The Glossette

The Kristen Project

Not being motivated to blog

I don't blog on a regular basis like I want too.  I try too. I mean, I really really try too.  I just haven't been that motivated and also writers block might have something to do with it.  I then realized that you don't have to say anything to get your point across or to even share anything.  How does that phrase go?, "A pictures worth a thousand words", or something like that.  

I have been using my camera so much for just random things.  I will either walk around outside and take some pictures or if I'm out and about then I might take my camera just in case I see something.  With those pictures, I have decided that instead of just letting them sit on my computer, I will share them here.  Even if I don't have anything to say with those pics, I will still post them.  Hey, what's the use of taking so many pictures, if your not going to share then anyway, right?

Well that's it. I was just sitting here at work thinking bout this and thought I'd share with ya.

Tea's That I'm Currently Loving

{I wanted to do this post last night, but was too busy redoing my blog design.  I went to do the post and I noticed that my blog design was all out of place.  I went and check everything out and noticed that Google had changed up the codes and what not. You know the "HTML" section is totally different and when I went to check on my own codes, it wouldn't allow me, said it didn't exist.}

So here are the teas that I absolutely love.  I love to try new teas all the time but these right here are my all around "go-to".  I'm not going to go into a details on these. I'll save that for another post.  I just basically wanted to show you what I am currently into.

Haul :: Thrifted from Goodwill

I went to Goodwill the other day and yes you read correctly. I shop at Goodwill.  Anyway, I found some really cute skirts and a dress {the dress is the black based item}. I'm such a huge skirts person.  With spring here and summer not too far along, I couldn't help but get them  

The best part is they were all red tags.  That day, red tags was buy one get one free. The skirts priced for $2.99 and so I got all four pieces for $6.00.  Not bad if I do say so myself.

Here are some pics of the items also with close up pics of the patterns.

Random thought on education

 I been going through some school papers and looking at my transcripts and what not. I can't believe all that I have done. I have so much education and knowledge under my belt. 

I feel that you can never learn too much. I have always loved school. I may not of liked some of the people, but have always loved school. I have gone to college and received an associates in early childhood education, a bachelors in business administration, gone to votech and completed cna, phlebotomy, and computer information system. Now I'm going back for international languages, and the languages I've chosen are, Spanish, French and of course German.

I already know German, well because I am, half anyway.  My mom thinks I should take something that will challenge me.  I see it this way, with all the classes that I'll be taking, I want to make sure I pass at least some of them lol.

Well that's my random thought on education.  I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about school, while going through some papers.