Hey everyone that probably doesn't read my blog lol. I know that it's been a while since I posted on here but a lot has been going on. I'm actually kind of lost right now. I know what I want to do and where I want to go but getting there has been a really big challenge. I'm not going to give up though. I'm just going to keep doing me and be the best that I can.
I'm always trying to please other people, and I can't really do that if I myself am not happy. My depression and anxiety has taken over and its scaring me. I start school next week and all I can do is hope and pray that I survive the summer. I haven't been in school for ever. I have been taking online courses because I didn't want to deal and wasn't sure if I can cope with all the commotion that goes on. So many people on campus and then there's me.
I have been filming like crazy though. I just haven't edited them or put them up yet. Not sure if I want too. I love to film but at the same time, I'm an emotional wreck and the smallest thing upsets me and don't feel like reading the comments. I'm worried bout what I might read.
I decided not to wear the hijab anymore. I'm not in the right place to be wearing it. I mean this is Oklahoma. I'm planning on moving closer to my family. I'm shooting for California. My family lives in Oregon and Washington. California is still close enough to hop on a quick flight if needed and get there in a few hours but yet it's far away to where I have my privacy and some distance. I have been trying to go out and see my grandparents and I didn't try hard enough. My grandfather passed away last Saturday. I was devastated. I have always been really close to my grandparents. I really wanted to see him before his time came to go home. I didn't get to say hello, goodbye or most importantly, I love you.
As far as my blog is concerned. I have to be inspired to write. Maybe I'll just post pics that I take. Who knows. This blog is a hot mess right now. I have lots of ideas and don't know where to start.
Well that's it for now. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. For those that read this, thank you for your love, support and understand.